Ep. 77: Here’s why your affirmations aren’t working

Written By Elisabeth Fleming

[32 MIN LISTEN]

 

Affirmations not working? Do you keep manifesting the same crappy people and experiences into your life? You probably have an energetic block (or several) preventing you from attracting everything you want in your life. Your energy is a precious and powerful resource. If it’s not nurtured, you’ll stay blocked, stuck, constantly reliving unfavorable experiences over + over again when you could be out there fulfilling your soul’s deepest purpose and feeling amazing (mostly) while you do.

In this episode, you’ll learn: 

  • How to meet your shadow + stop contributing to your own suffering 

  • The real reason your affirmations aren’t working

  • WTF is “alignment” + how do we get aligned in our lives

  • The key to manifesting all of your desires + more

We’re halfway through the year, are you happy where you are?

What are you proud of?

What do you know needs to finally be RELEASED? 

 

Episode transcript:

This is an auto-generated, unedited episode transcript. Please excuse any typos.

Welcome to The Life with Liz Podcast, the place to be if you wanna go from invisible to vibrant in your life, and embrace the power you didn't know you had inside of you. I'm your host, Liz Fleming, business owner, mom, military spouse, entrepreneur, founder, CEO, and life coach, who is passionate about helping ambitious women like you step into their power and their purpose on purpose so they can experience as much joy, success, satisfaction, and abundance as humanly possible.

Now without further ado, let's dive right into this episode. I need to know something. Why is everyone so obsessed with suffering? Like honestly, why do we hold on to everything? We torture ourselves daily by latching on to the mellow drama that's swirling around inside of our beautiful brains and. We're using it as we're using it, it seems like as a form of escapism, like we're clinging on it too much.

We're, we're focused on this drama in our heads, and it's sucking us away from being present, and this is something that I'm actively working on too. I'm not perfect. I'm not God, you know, I don't have all the answers, but what I have come to find in the last couple of years of practicing. Holistic work.

You know, energy work playing in the quantum field is just how much we contribute to our own suffering. And don't get me wrong, we're all going through shit. Me saying this does not take away from the fact that. You're having a rough time. It doesn't minimize the fact that you know, your family member got this disease, or you're going through this, or this person just died.

Those are very real harsh realities that all of you, no matter what you're going through, are meant to be present in and grieve through. But what I'm getting at here is in our day-to-day life, the shit that goes on inside of our brains, how we. Bully ourselves. How we self-sabotage, how we shame ourselves as a form of coping is so not healthy.

And I hate to open up the podcast with such a brutal topic, but I'm speaking from the heart. Here I am, I am showering you with what I'm channeling right now. Um, it's. Probably because I'm on this journey myself. I ask myself this question a lot in the last few years. I have my moments, as I've mentioned on the podcast as a mom, where I do, I get triggered and some days I just latch onto that.

I latch onto that. That rage, that anger, frustration, I torture myself and. I forget sometimes that I'm allowed to feel that my emotions are such a powerful resource. They're the key to unlocking all the answers within. I've told you guys that for a long time now, your emotions are such a gift, but the moment that we start using our emotions as a weapon on ourselves is the moment that we need to make a change.

There is this book you all should read that explains this in a lot better detail. It's called Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott. Um. Essentially it explores the idea that our unconscious desires often seen as like negative, are actually a source of power and fulfillment. So the premise is that we're driven by a dual nature, both light conscious and dark unconscious, and that by embracing our quote unquote existential kink, as she says, the unconscious pleasure we derive from challenging or painful experiences can ultimately lead to personal growth and empowerment.

This book is so eye-opening. I've done a lot of shadow work and a lot of release work. I understand the power of that, but this put it into a whole new perspective. So I'm gonna, I've linked it in the show notes. I want you to go download it and read it and think about how this plays a role in your life.

I want you to uncover your kink, your existential kink. The way I've contributed to my own suffering over the last few years, especially as a mom, is with my number one trigger. When I get triggered, for example, it's usually like my biggest trigger is my kids like when they don't listen or they're screaming at each other.

I've really become self-aware of that, and I've stayed in that awareness. I've listened to my body. I don't try and figure things out in the moment. I'm like, okay, I'm having a physical, energetic response to this. Let's, let's like, note that down. Jot that down. Mentally, we're gonna come back to that when we're in solitude.

So I have this trigger or two and it envelopes me in anger and frustration and irritability and rage and all of my shadows. Everything that is not me is what I feel. I feel like nesta, an aar, like my inner. Demon is swirling in darkness in there when I feel that trigger. Um, and it's a really uncomfortable feeling because I know 1000000%.

That is not who I am. It is my, my deepest darkness. It's my shadow, right? But what I'm getting at here and being so effing vulnerable is. This has become my kink. So feeling this way, oftentimes it feels like the trigger or the kids is like an excuse to have this constant cry for help for someone to come save me.

Yeah, heavy. And it took me a long time to figure this out. My oldest is about to be four, so it's taken years of being deeply uncomfortably aware of my triggers and this, like I said, this suffering that I'm contributing to myself and this melodrama that I'm watching play out inside of my head and. It's just taken all of that time to, to be in my self-awareness, to know enough that this is my kink, this is my existential kink.

This is the, like, some part of me feels pleasure in like being sad and being angry because by being sad and being angry, maybe someone's gonna. See me and save me. Right. It's like a cry. It's that cry for help. So I, I wanted to use that as an example because I feel like everyone is so obsessed with like.

Trying to manifest their dreams. Right? That's amazing that that's why we're here. That's fantastic. That's what I rave about all the time. I highly recommend, you know, like go after those dreams. Be big, be bold. But in doing so, they're not willing to do the hard shit that is required for them to manifest million dollar days or to manifest their dream mountain home or manifest their dream car, or their dream vacation, or their dream partner.

All we're doing is putting a bandaid on our shit by saying affirmations every morning without doing the release work that needs to be done. And I, as a certified quantum coach, this is my specialty. When I get to do release work with clients, it is. The hardest work, but it is the most fulfilling work because I see the transformation take place, take shape right in front of me.

Everything is energy. It is so powerful to witness and that's especially powerful in, you know, my reiki practice. So it's fantastically phenomenal to see energy at work in this way. It's not easy, it's the hardest thing you're ever gonna do. But is absolutely necessary, and that's why I open up this episode in this way today because I know we're halfway through 2025.

You guys like it's June, it's the middle of June. So are you content? Are you happy with where you are in life? Griffin? My dog, can you hear him? He's just like, oh man, that's what it sounded like. Really? We are halfway through 2025. So are you. How are you feeling now that you're halfway through the year?

Are you on autopilot? Are you reactively living your life right now? Are you just like going through the motions day by day, doing the to-do list, running through the schedule, bang, bang, boom? Or are you proactively taking control of your life and remaining in that awareness enough to know that. You are living your days with purpose and with meaning.

Even if that means waking up and going for a walk first thing in the morning, or whatever it is that brings you joy, that brings you that fulfillment, that self care, that that glittery, shimmery feeling, I call it in my book. I want you to think about that right now. We're halfway through the year. I am opening with this topic because if you're in a place right now where you thought you would be much further along, or you thought you would've manifested that vision board from 20 2007, by now, it's probably because you're not letting shit go.

You don't have a plan in place to release all the stagnant, yucky, old energy that is holding you back. You are not willing, you're not being honest with yourself about. You know what Carolyn Elliott says, your existential kinks, you're not meeting your shadow. Right? Your shadow is also a gift. It's not something we can ever get rid of.

It's always gonna be there. It's our unconscious, right? It's, it's there. It's guiding us. And the more that we befriend it and we get to know it, the more we get to release, the more we know ourselves, and it feels so, so, so good. So if you're in a place right now where you're. Feeling stuck and you're like, oh my God, I'm still fucking here.

I'm still in this job. I'm still living this way of life. I still have this addiction. I'm still with this person. And like, you know, it's not for you. I invite you, not prescribe you. I invite you to take a deeper look into yourself, your whole self, physically, mentally, emotionally. Spiritually and above all energetically, where are you putting your energy?

And if your energy is being siphoned into something that is leaving you feeling drained, that is a physical response. That is, your body is physically telling you that thing is not meant for you. It's not a good use of your energy. It's a, an energy drain. So you need to take care of yourself in this way.

You need to. Have awareness in this way to know what you can do to light yourself back up. And oftentimes that requires going to the dark first. It requires being in the darkness, being in that with your unconscious thoughts in your mind and coming to terms with the fact that there is stuff that you are quite frankly contributing to.

In this day-to-day life, and I'm a prime example, that's why I am recording this episode and like ripping my heart open and throwing it into podcast world because I'm there. Like I've been there. I'm seeing a fucking shaman for Christ's sake. Like, are you joking? This is where I'm at. Like, this is so powerful.

Um. And I just know what it feels like to be your own worst enemy, to be your biggest critic, to to be your biggest bully. And it takes a lot of guts and time to, and patience to sit with yourself and admit to yourself what is actually going on inside of you. So that you can make real change. You can spark real change in your life.

Otherwise, you're gonna keep living on autopilot. You're gonna keep having that like sour taste in your mouth. You're gonna keep turning your nose up at everyone and everything. Like the world is out to get you, when in reality you're out to get yourself. Everything is energy. I've been practicing energy work for a few years now.

I have a lot left to learn so much, but I know the more that I practice preserving and protecting my energy by releasing what no longer serves me and loving every inch of myself, including all the icky emotions that come up along the way, like the more aligned I live, the better I feel. Ultimately, of course, you're gonna have bumps when you're doing energy work.

You can feel sick sometimes, like the energy is literally shifting in and out of your body. It's kind of like when I talk about energy, um, we kind of have like this force field around us, so you know when you're like in a yoga class or something or you close your eyes. And someone's really close to you, but they're not touching you, and you can just sense it.

It's like your spidey senses go off. The hairs on your arms go up. You're just like, your eyes are like moving inside of your eyelids. You just know there's a presence, and then you open your eyes and it's like, oh, there's literally a person standing right next to me. That is just one example of how powerful our energy is.

And you can go down the rabbit hole of Amazon or where, you know, your local indie bookstore, you get all these books on quantum physics. Like there's, there's proof of this. This is real. So when I talk about energy work, this is what I, this is what I mean you guys. It's like the more you release these old emotions and these limiting beliefs within yourself.

The more you nurture your energy and are able to light yourself up, and the louder your intuition gets.

You know, that's, that's really the premise of it. It's, it's hard to encapsulate in a 20 minute podcast episode. But my goal here, I'm trying to pique your interest enough so that you do your own research. I could sit here all day and prescribe this book and that book, recommend this webinar, and this class and this course, but that's my journey.

You need to be naturally guided to this. You have to have a natural interest in wanting to. Be at your energetic best and fall into alignment as the highest version of yourself. You have to want it so bad that you develop your own natural cadence to study this stuff. It doesn't work if I force it upon you.

That's never my intention. My goal is just to keep you curious, so I've stayed curious as a person and it is totally unlocked. So much beauty in my life. It's been a hard challenge. I mean, whoa. Uh, the stuff that I've, the answers that I've uncovered within the stuff that I've found that I've suppressed, that I thought I released, but I was actually suppressing very different.

Something else you should look at. There was a lot for me. I thought I had let stuff go from like grade school and high school. I thought I was over it, but it just, the more I focused on nurturing myself and doing this energetic work, like meditation, breath work, um, reiki, all of this stuff, the more I realized it was being suppressed, it was being shoved down inside.

And the more that I. Remained open to it and leaned into my feelings the more I actually started to release it. And you know, you've released it because it doesn't weigh you down as much. You're no longer having like the nightmares, the dreams. You're no longer living the reoccurring experiences of, oh, I'm meeting the same type of people over and over and over again.

Because it's all that my reticular activating system knows. It's like, oh, I grew up with this type of person and they treated me this way. And for my entire life I have attracted the same type of dude into my life. Oh, it makes perfect sense. So when you start to release these old habits and these old patterns, you're able to manifest everything that you want.

It's so fantastic. And on my journey, I reached a point where. I was living reactively my whole life, like three decades of just sitting around and waiting for things to fall in my lap. I was a go-getter, don't get me wrong, like I have dreams. I would go after that shit. But when it came to self-care and my energy and never really paid much attention to it until I had kids, and you know, I've said this in other episodes, call it postpartum, whatever you want, this shit woke me up.

My emotions I didn't know could be at such a high and low, the scale. It was like. Off the charts and it opened my eyes to just how much power is inside of me. And that's the same for all of us, whether we have children or not. We have a very unique emotional, energetic blueprint, and the more we pay attention to it, the more.

That's revealed about how we can live our lives in a better, more nourishing way. And so I reached this point in my journey where I felt that I was being so reactive when I had my kids. I was like, oh, I could get a therapist and I could, I could take this medication that's gonna halt this or I could do that.

And I, something inside me said, no. It was like an. There's also the flip side of like, I was on every wait list for every therapist, for every maternal, this maternal. Like I just couldn't even get the help that I wanted or needed. And I think looking back, I know it was a blessing in disguise because here I am in full control of my health, my wellness, my life, my energy because of that shit, which is all laid out in the book and it's so eye-opening.

Anyway. So I reached this point where I had no choice but to go down this rabbit hole of energy work. It just, I fell into it. You know, one thing led to another, led to another, led to another. And I've now, since, let's see, that's been, oh, almost five years. Uh, wait six years. Of kind of going down the rabbit hole of reading and studying, and I'm in it.

This is like my livelihood now. So it took all that time, but here I am and I've reached a point on my journey where I feel like I've plateaued, right? So I've, if there's a modality out there, I've practiced it. I feel like, like I've like the numerology stuff, the astrology stuff, human design. I've do, I dive into my Akashic records, the gene keys, you know, all forms of meditation.

I'm practicing yoga, you know, I'm, I'm doing breath work, so I've dabbled in a lot of stuff. Reiki, all of it. And. I am starting to find what I like and what works for me and what doesn't. Oh, emotion coding and body coding was another one, which I think I've shared all this, but any, in any case, the point I'm getting at is I felt like recently I plateaued and my energy is evolving and it's getting stronger and it's.

Reaching a point where I need further support. So I started seeing a shaman per recommendation of a dear friend of mine and like this is the realest of the real. And I don't wanna share too much 'cause I honestly don't know if I can. I wanna respect their family lineage, their culture. But I will say that I was.

Divinely guided to this local shaman, and I had my first session yesterday and it was the most profound experience I have ever had, and I know that it's leading me down this unique path, and I'm just staying open. I'm staying open to everything. Just because I say yes to something doesn't mean that other doors are closing, right?

So. Uh, what I'm getting at here is I'm just inviting you to do the same in your life. Let yourself be open. Let yourself stay curious about who you are, what you're drawn to, and how you are exerting your energy and what lights you up. Because the goal, my friends, it's a alignment, right? And if you're like, what the fuck is alignment?

Alignment? At least to me, spiritual, energetic alignment is. Living as the highest, most authentic version of yourself. Like it is an energetic, spiritual experience where you know, without a shadow of a doubt that you are who you are, you're doing what you're meant to be doing, and you're totally at peace with every facet of that.

No matter how hard some days are or how easy some days are. You just have this inner knowing. So that's the goal with all of this, we wanna know ourselves so well that we stop contributing to our own suffering, that we stop being our biggest bully, and we start being our biggest cheerleader. That is living in alignment.

That's the goal. And I feel like I'm getting there. I really am. It's taken years of work, many tears, just heartache upon heartache, addressing a lot of this trauma. We all have some form of trauma, and I do not take that lightly. I don't. But unless you get honest with yourself and you start forgiving yourself above everyone else, and you stop letting the past dictate the present.

Then you're gonna stay stuck. You're gonna stay stagnant. You have to take the reins. There is no doctor. There is no other person. There is no other entity that's gonna come down from the clouds and tell you what to do. Those answers are already inside of you. You are such a beautiful, perfect soul. I mean, we're such powerful beings.

Call it, woo. Call it whatever you want, but it's true. Everything is energy. So if you wanna get aligned. You need to start letting shit go. You need to release, release, release, release, release some more, and then focus on replenishing, and then start rewiring your brain and start getting those beautiful affirmations going and that manifestation process going.

If you're starting at the end and you're waking up every morning and you're like affirming, I'm so thankful that I am a $5 million a year. Business owner, but you have limiting money beliefs because your family grew up poor, you're never going to get there. That limiting belief is so tethered to you on the inside that the result is gonna end up being like, oh, I had like a $5,000 month and then.

All of a sudden a bill shows up in the mail for $5,000, like the money's gonna be there, and then it's gonna be not. So that's one example, right? So until you get to the root cause of all of your shit, you're not going to be able to manifest your truth. Everything that's on those vision boards, everything that you dream about, the stuff that you long for, it will not energetically, physically be able to flow to you.

Like a magnet until you love yourself enough to let shit go heavy. I know we can accomplish a lot together in 25 minutes, but I say this with love as always. It is always rooted in love because I want what's best for you. God, I know how it feels to just feel so isolated and alone in taking care of yourself.

You know, I felt like a nutcase. Telling my husband I was going to see a shaman. I was like, I met this woman. She is the real deal. She changed my life in two hours, I will be going back. I don't really have the money to go back, but I am surrendering myself to the process and we are gonna make it happen.

And you know, he nods like, yeah, I love it. I support you. Which he does. He is very supportive. Sean, I love you. You're so beautiful. I'm wise. Um, but the, the guts that it takes to just stay rooted in your purpose with this stuff, regardless of other people's expectations and observations and judgments, like you just have to be so.

Connected to who you are and like what drives you. And this is why I'm a huge advocate for knowing your human design. I'm gonna link to that in here too. Erin Claire Jones is my girl. I'm hoping to get her on the podcast and talk through human design, but we each have our own human design blueprint. Just as a quick side note.

And as part of that, we have an authority. Our authority is how we kind of know how to use up our energy and where it's best suited. So for example, I'm a generator, um, three six with a sacral authority. So when I'm presented with a decision to make, I either get a full body fuck yes or it's a no. So unless it's a full body, yes, it's a no.

Like if I, if I'm presented with a question and I hesitate, it's a no. If I'm presented with a question and I'm like. Mm. That's kind of exciting. That sounds like I should do it. It's a no. It has to be like a, oh my gosh, like, and I know what my physical tells are for that. Like what a full body yes is for me, and then I don't question it.

I know it's meant for me. So human design is just another tool that you can use to help you with this energetic work because it's just a tool to guide you in how to make decisions. And she has a fantastic book. How do you choose? How do we choose? How do you choose? I'll link it. Great starting point for all of this work.

So if you're listening to this now and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm resonating with a lot of what she said, I'm so mean to myself. Like, but what am I, what is my shadow? What am I latching onto? A lot of that is gonna come from getting quiet, getting still. Allowing yourself to truly meditate. Maybe get a meditation app, listen into some of my meditations, which are in other episodes, and you can purchase some, but getting quiet, getting still focusing on what you enjoy, and let that stuff naturally come to light.

Pay attention to your dreams. That was a big one for me. It was, oh my God, I'm having like some intense nightmares where people from high school are showing up. I need to, I think this is something here, as uncomfortable as it was, I started dream journaling and I realized that there was like a lot of shit I had to forgive from my past.

And once I did, I released it. So. You need to get really comfortable with like what your physical tells are. Human design is a great way to do that, but also it can be as simple as just getting, still getting quiet, making it a habit every single day. This is a form of self-care. Being in stillness with yourself, being in solitude, even if it's just 10 minutes a day, quieting your mind, focusing on your breath, and seeing what comes through and that thing.

Maybe it's really obvious. Maybe it's like there's this thing that just constantly nags you or there's this fear in your body, like you're constantly feeling like you're living in fear. Every time you do something, make a note of it. Be in your awareness because there are answers there. Your body is having a physical response to something, to an event because it wants you to release something that you're holding onto.

So. As heavy as this is, I invite you to keep listening to yourself, keep staying curious and reach out. Support is always here. I'm here. I love when I hear from you all, whether it's via email or on Instagram, dms, like, I love this stuff clearly. I mean, I'm pouring my heart and soul into a microphone. For a podcast that's reaching strangers around the world every day, and even if we haven't met, I feel like I know you just because you're listening and it means so, so much to me.

I am on a journey of epic proportions and I knew I couldn't wait until I had all the answers, until I had it all figured out to help people. What's helpful is me being real, me being raw and sharing what's happening in the now. As I figure stuff out for me, because maybe it'll help light the way for you, even if we're not, you know, even if you're not mirroring what I'm doing, maybe there's something that you've picked up on in a piece of content or in an episode there was a word that you Googled that led you down your own beautiful path.

I, I, that's my biggest hope for you is, is that you feel called. To something here and you start leveling up your life in this beautiful way and making yourself a priority, because that's the most important thing. When we're at our best, we can help others be at theirs. I love you. Keep going. Never, never stop, but sometimes stop to be with yourself and to.

Just let yourself feel it's the greatest superpower that you have. Did that go by too fast? No worries. You can always find me over@elizabethfleming.com for more information about my programs, events, and how you can take your learning further with me. If you loved this episode, leave a review. It helps more than you know.

Thank you so much for tuning in. I'll catch you next time.

 

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DISCLAIMER

The content and material presented on this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided are not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. The creator of this content does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the creator is only to offer experiential information to help the reader in his/her/their quest for emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. In the event you apply any of the information provided from this content for yourself, the creator assumes no responsibility for your actions.

Elisabeth Fleming https://www.elisabethfleming.com
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Ep. 76: Astrology 101 w/ Sophie S. Won