Ep 83. Why Self-Love Isn’t Selfish: Reframing the Narrative Around Worth and Growth
[10 MIN LISTEN]
Self-love is more than face masks and bubble baths.
When you hear the word “self-love,” what comes to mind? For many of us, it’s bubble baths, candles, or maybe that face mask we finally took the time to use. And while those things can be beautiful acts of care, the truth is: they barely scratch the surface of what self-love actually means.
In this episode of The Life with Liz Podcast, I’m breaking down the myths and misconceptions about self-love and showing you what it really looks like in practice. You’ll learn why self-love is so often misunderstood, how to begin weaving it into your daily life, and why it’s not always comfortable — but always worth it.
If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re “doing self-love right,” this one’s for you.
What Self-Love Really Looks Like
Self-love is about so much more than spa days. It’s about:
Setting boundaries, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Choosing yourself over people-pleasing.
Offering yourself grace when you make mistakes.
This episode shares 3 simple practices you can start today that go deeper than surface-level self-care and actually build lasting self-worth.
Here’s the truth: self-love isn’t fluffy, it’s foundational. It’s the courage to show up for yourself, paired with the compassion to keep going when things get hard.
Episode transcript:
This is an auto-generated, unedited episode transcript. Please excuse any tyops.
Welcome to The Life with Liz Podcast, the place to be if you wanna go from invisible to vibrant in your life, and embrace the power you didn't know you had inside of you. I'm your host, Liz Fleming, business owner, mom, military spouse, entrepreneur, founder, CEO, and life coach, who is passionate about helping ambitious women like you step into their power and their purpose on purpose so they can experience as much joy, success, satisfaction, and abundance as humanly possible.
Now without further ado, let's dive right into this episode.
3 00:00:55.040 --> 00:01:06.769 Liz Fleming: Hey friends! Welcome back to the Life with Liz podcast! I'm so glad you're here today, because we're talking about one of my favorite topics, and honestly, one of the most…
4 00:01:06.900 --> 00:01:09.390 Liz Fleming: misunderstood topics out there.
5 00:01:10.540 --> 00:01:11.560 Liz Fleming: Self-love.
6 00:01:12.050 --> 00:01:14.039 Liz Fleming: We're going in deep, y'all.
7 00:01:14.470 --> 00:01:24.600 Liz Fleming: We're going in deep. I feel like I say that every episode. But this is one of my favorite topics, so much so that I've written a whole freakin' book about it.
8 00:01:24.720 --> 00:01:32.700 Liz Fleming: It's, it's really something that's been on my heart for many years. And, you know.
9 00:01:33.490 --> 00:01:40.280 Liz Fleming: I know the word self-love has been overused, Instagrammed, hashtagged.
10 00:01:40.770 --> 00:01:44.490 Liz Fleming: Turned into bath bomb slogans and inspirational memes.
11 00:01:45.030 --> 00:01:49.560 Liz Fleming: And while there's nothing wrong with bubble baths… And face masks.
12 00:01:49.860 --> 00:01:52.830 Liz Fleming: In fact, I love a good bath. That's not the whole story.
13 00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:55.270 Liz Fleming: It's just not the whole story, right?
14 00:01:55.490 --> 00:01:56.920 Liz Fleming: That's surface level stuff.
15 00:01:57.460 --> 00:02:04.730 Liz Fleming: Today, I want to bust the myths and get to the heart of what self-love really is, and I promise…
16 00:02:05.550 --> 00:02:08.909 Liz Fleming: It's not always pretty, but it IS powerful.
17 00:02:09.550 --> 00:02:27.739 Liz Fleming: Let's start here, the surface-level stuff. Self-love has been watered down into products and pampering, and again, I love those things. But if all you're doing is slapping on a face mask while ignoring your true needs, that's not self-love, that's self-distraction.
18 00:02:29.290 --> 00:02:44.159 Liz Fleming: I used to be there. I was burning out, I was running on fumes, and treating myself to spa days, and getting my nails done, and thinking that that was self-love. But I was still waking up feeling very anxious and unfulfilled.
19 00:02:44.980 --> 00:02:54.550 Liz Fleming: Until I realized that self-love is actually all about the hard stuff. Those moments where you sit with yourself.
20 00:02:54.690 --> 00:03:05.699 Liz Fleming: And all of the feelings in your awareness, which you very much know about now, if you've been one of my long-time listeners, we talk about self-awareness in almost every episode.
21 00:03:06.420 --> 00:03:11.399 Liz Fleming: But in those moments of… The toughness, the ick, I call it.
22 00:03:12.510 --> 00:03:22.669 Liz Fleming: is where the real transformation begins, because when you start to address things like your shadow, and you go deeper, you allow yourself to go deeper.
23 00:03:24.190 --> 00:03:27.890 Liz Fleming: You shed what no longer serves you, and…
24 00:03:28.320 --> 00:03:38.950 Liz Fleming: In doing so, you make room for more of what does serve you, to come into your life, to come into your being. That is such a powerful form of self-love.
25 00:03:40.330 --> 00:03:42.419 Liz Fleming: Saying no when you want to say yes.
26 00:03:42.970 --> 00:03:44.359 Liz Fleming: Just to keep the peace.
27 00:03:45.000 --> 00:03:49.850 Liz Fleming: Setting boundaries with people you care about, forgiving yourself when you screw up.
28 00:03:50.140 --> 00:03:53.720 Liz Fleming: Choosing rest when the world tells you to hustle harder?
29 00:03:54.540 --> 00:04:01.609 Liz Fleming: That's self-love, my friends. Self-love is making those choices today that support the woman.
30 00:04:02.330 --> 00:04:07.360 Liz Fleming: That you're coming home to tomorrow. And sometimes that's really uncomfortable.
31 00:04:07.890 --> 00:04:08.870 Liz Fleming: Whoa.
32 00:04:08.980 --> 00:04:12.670 Liz Fleming: It can really be uncomfortable, but the more you're willing to go there.
33 00:04:13.390 --> 00:04:19.950 Liz Fleming: The more comfortable you're ultimately gonna be, because you're giving yourself the love and nourishment.
34 00:04:20.190 --> 00:04:28.389 Liz Fleming: required to sustain the love that you want to magnetize into your life. Magnetize, is that a word? Attract, let's just say attract.
35 00:04:28.770 --> 00:04:33.249 Liz Fleming: Magnetize. Why does that sound weird? Magnetize. I'm keeping it.
36 00:04:34.550 --> 00:04:42.280 Liz Fleming: So here's the softer side. Self-love is also grace, right? It's not beating yourself up when you fall short, it's letting yourself be human.
37 00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:48.589 Liz Fleming: It's saying, I'm worthy even when I'm messy, imperfect, and still figuring it out.
38 00:04:49.100 --> 00:04:50.339 Liz Fleming: I love that.
39 00:04:50.560 --> 00:05:03.340 Liz Fleming: For so long, I was stuck in this perfectionist mindset, you know? If I made a mistake, I would self-sabotage for… for days, if not years, depending on the circumstance, and I realized that when I just…
40 00:05:04.060 --> 00:05:06.530 Liz Fleming: Loosen the reins a bit on myself?
41 00:05:08.170 --> 00:05:13.559 Liz Fleming: And I just kind of… Let myself be in the mess.
42 00:05:14.070 --> 00:05:20.149 Liz Fleming: And let whatever emotions come through, pass through, like the wave that we've talked about.
43 00:05:21.650 --> 00:05:28.640 Liz Fleming: I just feel better. I love myself more, because I'm getting to know myself on such a deeper level.
44 00:05:29.640 --> 00:05:33.279 Liz Fleming: Because the truth, my friends, you cannot.
45 00:05:33.560 --> 00:05:35.849 Liz Fleming: Bully yourself into self-love.
46 00:05:36.520 --> 00:05:38.099 Liz Fleming: It just won't work.
47 00:05:38.730 --> 00:05:40.820 Liz Fleming: So I want to give you…
48 00:05:40.960 --> 00:05:47.539 Liz Fleming: a few practical self-love practices that you can try this week. I'm gonna give you three.
49 00:05:47.730 --> 00:05:53.610 Liz Fleming: The first one is… Say no once this week to something that completely drains you.
50 00:05:53.940 --> 00:06:02.280 Liz Fleming: And own it. Be in that power. Don't, you know, spiral because of this decision. Just… confidently.
51 00:06:02.500 --> 00:06:04.259 Liz Fleming: And clearly just say no.
52 00:06:04.540 --> 00:06:06.060 Liz Fleming: You know? No.
53 00:06:06.280 --> 00:06:09.070 Liz Fleming: That's… that's not in alignment for me this week.
54 00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:15.220 Liz Fleming: So practice one. Say no once this week to something that drains you. Practice two, I want you to journal
55 00:06:15.610 --> 00:06:21.219 Liz Fleming: one sentence each night that starts with, I forgive myself for.
56 00:06:21.610 --> 00:06:34.530 Liz Fleming: And this is a really heavy one. I have a whole chapter in my new book, Powerhouse, dedicated to forgiveness, and a very special and unique method for how to go about.
57 00:06:35.000 --> 00:06:52.859 Liz Fleming: forgiveness in your life, whether it's for yourself or others, and others, but this is a great start, so if you're, like, eager to get started and dive into this form of self-love, this is a really, really powerful beginning point, is just this sentence I forgive myself for.
58 00:06:52.860 --> 00:07:04.299 Liz Fleming: And let it flow. You know, you're not gonna have to post it all over the internet, you don't have to text your friends about it, your significant other doesn't have to see it, you can write it in a journal and then burn it, whatever you have to do.
59 00:07:04.330 --> 00:07:15.149 Liz Fleming: But let it come out of you, let it flow, because then you're no longer holding onto it. Because subconsciously, you're holding onto everything that you haven't let go of yet. Forgiveness is a huge one.
60 00:07:15.330 --> 00:07:23.630 Liz Fleming: I highly, highly recommend checking out my book if that's something that is peaking your interest right now. If you're like, yes, hmm.
61 00:07:24.760 --> 00:07:26.070 Liz Fleming: Practice number 3.
62 00:07:26.240 --> 00:07:27.720 Liz Fleming: Invest in yourself.
63 00:07:28.220 --> 00:07:39.230 Liz Fleming: And I don't just mean the material, like, whether that's buying, you know, the book you've been eyeing, cough, cough, powerhouse, my new book, coming out soon, depending on when you're listening.
64 00:07:39.260 --> 00:07:50.519 Liz Fleming: So whether that's buying a book you've been eyeing, scheduling, therapy, a spa day, or signing up for something that lights you up, I want you to invest in yourself. Again, no shame.
65 00:07:51.300 --> 00:07:53.700 Liz Fleming: It can be something as simple as…
66 00:07:54.430 --> 00:08:01.309 Liz Fleming: going out for tea with a friend. It can be something as simple as gifting yourself time to just be
67 00:08:01.830 --> 00:08:03.150 Liz Fleming: With your Kindle.
68 00:08:04.170 --> 00:08:08.459 Liz Fleming: Reading… reading fairy fantasy fiction, like your girl over here.
69 00:08:09.100 --> 00:08:10.090 Liz Fleming: So…
70 00:08:10.500 --> 00:08:15.609 Liz Fleming: This is a really big one, because when you invest in yourself in unique and fun ways, and it's…
71 00:08:16.540 --> 00:08:22.020 Liz Fleming: not just work-related or business-related, you… Ignite?
72 00:08:22.240 --> 00:08:39.919 Liz Fleming: that creative spark inside of you, and it's a really… you know, I have found it's a really powerful form of even meditation. You know, whether you're reading, or you're out… you're walking in the woods, maybe hiking is something that you want to do, and that's how you want to invest in yourself, going on a nice hike.
73 00:08:40.460 --> 00:08:59.000 Liz Fleming: But those things really, really impact the level of self-love that you give yourself, right? Treat yourself, girl. You deserve it. No questions asked. Okay, so to recap, those three practices that I want you to try this week. Practice one, say no once this week to something that drains you.
74 00:08:59.310 --> 00:09:07.020 Liz Fleming: Practice two, journal one sentence, one sentence each night that starts with, I forgive myself for… period.
75 00:09:07.600 --> 00:09:09.749 Liz Fleming: Practice 3, invest in yourself.
76 00:09:09.910 --> 00:09:14.680 Liz Fleming: I love it. I love it. Here's the bottom line. Self-love isn't fluffy? Mmm.
77 00:09:15.380 --> 00:09:17.030 Liz Fleming: We so wish it was.
78 00:09:17.170 --> 00:09:35.400 Liz Fleming: And I think, you know, a lot of the wellness industry still thinks it is, so we buy the serums and the creams and the shampoos. But the bottom line is, self-love isn't fluffy. It's not about being perfect, it's about showing up for yourself, day after day, with both courage and compassion.
79 00:09:35.690 --> 00:09:45.640 Liz Fleming: And this is why I wrote Powerhouse. It's not a book about how to look like you've got it all together on Instagram. It's about…
80 00:09:46.200 --> 00:10:00.400 Liz Fleming: unbecoming everything you're not, so you can embrace the kind of woman who loves herself enough to go after the life she truly wants. She fully encapsulates and embraces who she is on every level.
81 00:10:01.710 --> 00:10:08.480 Liz Fleming: So if you're ready for more of this conversation, I'd love for you to go grab my book, Powerhouse. The link is in the show notes.
82 00:10:08.590 --> 00:10:15.490 Liz Fleming: Depending on when you're listening to this, pre-orders may or may not be open. It may be years down the road, and that bad boy is still
83 00:10:15.740 --> 00:10:21.319 Liz Fleming: linked here. Either way, I want you to go check it out. I cannot wait to get this book into your hands.
84 00:10:22.040 --> 00:10:35.820 Liz Fleming: Oh my gosh, it's been a journey, and I'm so excited to share that all with you. Thank you for spending this time with me today. Remember, self-love isn't what you think. It's so much bigger, so much deeper, and so much more life-changing.
85 00:10:36.070 --> 00:10:43.329 Liz Fleming: Until next time, I'm sending you love, and reminding you, you are worthy, just as you are.
Did that go by too fast? No worries. You can always find me over at elisabethfleming.com for more information about my programs, events, and how you can take your learning further with me. If you loved this episode, leave a review. It helps more than you know.
Thank you so much for tuning in. I'll catch you next time.
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