Ep 84. How to Stop Playing Small and Start Owning Your Power
[16 MIN LISTEN]
Are you dimming your light without realizing it?
Have you ever caught yourself apologizing too much, deflecting compliments, or keeping your big ideas to yourself? That’s playing small — and it’s costing you more than you realize.
This episode is all about recognizing the ways we shrink ourselves and learning how to step back into our power with courage and confidence.
The Cost of Shrinking
Loss of confidence.
Resentment.
Wasted potential.
Owning your power isn’t about being louder — it’s about being truer.
Episode transcript:
This is an auto-generated, unedited episode transcript. Please excuse any tyops.
Welcome to The Life with Liz Podcast, the place to be if you wanna go from invisible to vibrant in your life, and embrace the power you didn't know you had inside of you. I'm your host, Liz Fleming, business owner, mom, military spouse, entrepreneur, founder, CEO, and life coach, who is passionate about helping ambitious women like you step into their power and their purpose on purpose so they can experience as much joy, success, satisfaction, and abundance as humanly possible.
Now without further ado, let's dive right into this episode.
1 00:00:03.780 --> 00:00:17.190 Liz Fleming: Welcome back to the Life with Liz podcast! Today, we are talking about something that hits very close to home for so many of us, and that is playing small. Am I right? I mean, have you ever caught yourself
2 00:00:17.440 --> 00:00:24.859 Liz Fleming: Like, downplaying your success, apologizing too much, or holding back your voice because you don't want to make waves.
3 00:00:25.130 --> 00:00:27.220 Liz Fleming: Hmm? Be honest.
4 00:00:27.610 --> 00:00:32.549 Liz Fleming: That's playing small, and it's costing you, girlfriend, more than you realize.
5 00:00:32.650 --> 00:00:41.850 Liz Fleming: Today, I'm breaking down the signs that you're shrinking yourself, the real cost of staying small, and how you can start owning your power in simple.
6 00:00:41.960 --> 00:00:43.230 Liz Fleming: doable ways.
7 00:00:43.800 --> 00:00:45.709 Liz Fleming: Capiche? Capiche.
8 00:00:46.830 --> 00:00:51.920 Liz Fleming: Let's chat now about these signs, the signs that you're playing small. Do any of these sound familiar?
9 00:00:52.300 --> 00:00:59.220 Liz Fleming: Over-apologizing for existing. Hmm, probably number one, right? I know it was for me at one point in my life.
10 00:00:59.430 --> 00:01:09.740 Liz Fleming: Deflecting compliments, charging less than your worth, hello, staying quiet when you have something important to say. These are just a few examples.
11 00:01:09.870 --> 00:01:19.820 Liz Fleming: a few signs that you're playing small. And while there's only a few, they are big ones. I want to tell you a quick personal story of mine.
12 00:01:20.090 --> 00:01:39.629 Liz Fleming: Where I caught myself dimming my own light. I had just moved to Pinehurst, I had just taken my first leap of faith from the corporate world as a media director for the PGA into my own marketing business as a marketing and PR consultant.
13 00:01:39.630 --> 00:01:41.749 Liz Fleming: And… I was…
14 00:01:41.750 --> 00:01:56.410 Liz Fleming: you know, hitting the ground running with the Small Town Social, my women's networking group, I was really starting to grow my network, and as such, I was booking more speaking gigs around town. And I booked this big speaking gig at the local community college.
15 00:01:56.740 --> 00:02:11.880 Liz Fleming: Where 200 people were in attendance, and I was giving a whole talk about personal branding, which was my deepest passion at the time, was teaching business owners how they can use their stories to propel their progress and their profits forward.
16 00:02:12.210 --> 00:02:22.989 Liz Fleming: And it was so, you know, I rehearsed it, I was just, like, on cloud nine, I mean, I just was so proud of myself in that moment. And I so vividly remember
17 00:02:23.950 --> 00:02:25.050 Liz Fleming: you know.
18 00:02:25.400 --> 00:02:31.770 Liz Fleming: at the end, I took some questions from the stage, but at the end, people were coming up to me, and this one guy came up to me, older guy.
19 00:02:32.070 --> 00:02:36.809 Liz Fleming: And he was like, that was… that was really insightful. You know, how much you charge for,
20 00:02:36.930 --> 00:02:38.369 Liz Fleming: Or one-on-one work.
21 00:02:38.530 --> 00:02:41.810 Liz Fleming: And I told him my price at the time was…
22 00:02:41.960 --> 00:02:47.230 Liz Fleming: I can't remember, but it was in, like, the… $1,500 range for, like, a…
23 00:02:47.440 --> 00:02:57.990 Liz Fleming: full consultation. I give you, like, a full business audit, and we do a marketing strategy, which, honestly, in retrospect, is, like, really fucking cheap. It's really low.
24 00:02:58.100 --> 00:03:04.449 Liz Fleming: And his response was, whoa, that's more than a lawyer charges per hour.
25 00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:15.799 Liz Fleming: I was just, like, okay, you know? And I, you know, I held my own. It was, like, the first time that it happened to me, but I so vividly remember in that moment
26 00:03:16.110 --> 00:03:34.539 Liz Fleming: the chatter in my head that was like, oh my god, I'm charging too much, I need to scale back, like, people think I'm fucking crazy, this is too much. Whereas now, I mean, almost 10 years later, and a full life pivot, I am finally charging my worth, which is, you know.
27 00:03:34.900 --> 00:03:46.800 Liz Fleming: 10 times as much as that for my one-on-one clients, so it's really incredible to think back to this moment. I just can feel it. I could feel myself shrinking in that moment.
28 00:03:46.940 --> 00:03:54.609 Liz Fleming: But I was so proud of myself, too, for just standing my ground, and being like, yeah, you know, it was kind of like a,
29 00:03:54.750 --> 00:04:11.650 Liz Fleming: like, a past-the-salt moment, you know? Like, you know. Well, it's not for you. I'm not for you. Sorry, pal. Go get more money, I don't know what to tell you. So… but back then, you know, this is me now saying this, right, with all of this, like, reflection, but back then, I just remember…
30 00:04:11.900 --> 00:04:13.120 Liz Fleming: feeling…
31 00:04:13.170 --> 00:04:26.409 Liz Fleming: on top of the world for that talk that I had prepped for for months and memorized and taught, and I mean, it was just, like, value on top of value, me doing this for, like, a couple hundred bucks. It was one of my first paid speaking gigs on my own.
32 00:04:26.410 --> 00:04:36.729 Liz Fleming: And then to, like, come off it and have these weird-ass questions where people made me feel small, there was this other guy who was like, man, you know, you were cruising.
33 00:04:36.730 --> 00:04:51.340 Liz Fleming: You know, you were cruising, it was so good, and then you looked at your notes, and I was like, ahh! And I was like, dude, what the fuck? Like, are you kidding? You know, I don't want to rehash this moment. Apparently, some of this story is triggering for me. But…
34 00:04:51.460 --> 00:05:06.930 Liz Fleming: you can see how those compliments would make someone feel small. And then, again, in that moment, I just was like, yeah, I'm a human, and I need to check my notes sometimes, because I care about the value that I deliver to my audience.
35 00:05:07.190 --> 00:05:15.000 Liz Fleming: I'm not gonna, like, sit here and just, like, spew crap that doesn't make sense. If I want to check my notes, I'm gonna check my notes. So…
36 00:05:15.500 --> 00:05:32.109 Liz Fleming: again, that's me now. Me at the time was like, oh my god, I need to go home and crawl in a hole, and I need to change my whole life, I need to just change my business model, I can never talk from the stage again, I need to take a break, I need to scale back. Like, all of these…
37 00:05:32.480 --> 00:05:37.720 Liz Fleming: Moments of just shrinking, just soul-sucking shrinking.
38 00:05:38.760 --> 00:05:40.200 Liz Fleming: So…
39 00:05:40.750 --> 00:05:53.499 Liz Fleming: I wanted that to be a quick personal story, but it was a little bit longer than I anticipated, but for good reason. I wanted to paint the picture for what we're getting at here. Just these signs of you dimming your light.
40 00:05:53.730 --> 00:06:06.779 Liz Fleming: And what kills me, thinking back to those moments, is that that's exactly what I did. I have always been this, like, overly ambitious, optimistic, super imaginative girl.
41 00:06:06.780 --> 00:06:22.050 Liz Fleming: And I'm big, I have a big energy, and back then, I would apologize for it, and now I just realize it's who I am, you know? Take it or leave it. But reflecting on that moment, oh, it makes me want to cry, because of how much I allowed myself
42 00:06:22.180 --> 00:06:26.639 Liz Fleming: to shrink. I made that decision to… to shrink.
43 00:06:27.010 --> 00:06:28.849 Liz Fleming: So when you play small.
44 00:06:30.130 --> 00:06:36.379 Liz Fleming: That's kind of what I'm getting at here. You're not just holding yourself back, you're withholding your gifts from the world.
45 00:06:36.600 --> 00:06:55.410 Liz Fleming: Resentment builds, confidence erodes, and the cycle repeats. And let me tell you, my friends, I was stuck in that cycle for many, many, many years. It's not easy going out on your own as a business owner. Even with, you know, someone like me, I had great connections, but still.
46 00:06:55.770 --> 00:07:07.230 Liz Fleming: you know, even 10 years in now as an entrepreneur, and in a full career pivot, it's like… that still hits home sometimes, but now I've been more equipped with not just experiences.
47 00:07:07.380 --> 00:07:08.260 Liz Fleming: But…
48 00:07:08.450 --> 00:07:24.119 Liz Fleming: tools like this to help me start owning my power. I finally understand what self-love is, I finally know what that feels like for me, and what my own essence is, my own power feels like when I step into it.
49 00:07:24.460 --> 00:07:29.250 Liz Fleming: So, if you wanna learn how to start owning your power, here's what we're gonna do, I'm gonna tell you.
50 00:07:30.140 --> 00:07:33.820 Liz Fleming: First of all, it's awareness. We talk about this in every episode.
51 00:07:34.400 --> 00:07:42.089 Liz Fleming: It's so important, and I'll never stop talking about it, but self-awareness. Start noticing when you shrink yourself.
52 00:07:42.940 --> 00:07:45.810 Liz Fleming: And you don't have to do anything about it in the moment.
53 00:07:46.010 --> 00:07:49.389 Liz Fleming: But just as I did, in that story that I mentioned, like…
54 00:07:49.690 --> 00:07:57.780 Liz Fleming: When those… both of those guys in both of those instances said that stuff, that was a little, like, you know, rude and off-putting.
55 00:07:58.100 --> 00:08:03.800 Liz Fleming: In the moment, I was like, that sucks, but then I noticed, you know, there was a slight noticing.
56 00:08:05.420 --> 00:08:13.469 Liz Fleming: Second is permission. Like, give yourself green lights. You don't need anyone else's approval. That's not what you're here for, that's…
57 00:08:13.770 --> 00:08:16.800 Liz Fleming: That's just not gonna feel good for you.
58 00:08:16.960 --> 00:08:23.210 Liz Fleming: So, allow yourself Those green lights. You're the one to give yourself permission.
59 00:08:23.330 --> 00:08:26.920 Liz Fleming: You don't need anyone else's permission or approval.
60 00:08:27.420 --> 00:08:35.970 Liz Fleming: And finally, practice. Take one bold step this week. Post that thought. Girl, raise your price. Share your win.
61 00:08:37.010 --> 00:08:39.490 Liz Fleming: Step into your power.
62 00:08:40.580 --> 00:08:41.950 Liz Fleming: Step into it.
63 00:08:43.100 --> 00:08:49.059 Liz Fleming: Now, I gave you a story about when I was shrinking. I want to give you a story about when I chose to take up space.
64 00:08:49.590 --> 00:08:51.400 Liz Fleming: And what shifted afterward?
65 00:08:53.120 --> 00:08:57.729 Liz Fleming: I, two years ago, had this wild idea.
66 00:08:58.260 --> 00:09:06.510 Liz Fleming: that I wanted to host this day-long retreat for women. I run a women's networking group.
67 00:09:06.610 --> 00:09:10.880 Liz Fleming: in my hometown of Pinehurst to help females find friends.
68 00:09:11.760 --> 00:09:28.260 Liz Fleming: And I have free monthly socials, and it's been like this for 8 years, and the momentum is built. I serve thousands across borders, not just in my county, but, like, across the state, and it's really blossomed so beautifully, even, you know, despite 2 years off from the pandemic.
69 00:09:28.650 --> 00:09:35.330 Liz Fleming: So, after I had my kids, I kinda came back, I was bringing Small Town Social back to life after…
70 00:09:35.540 --> 00:09:40.139 Liz Fleming: the COVID shutdown, I made it… I made the small town social an official business.
71 00:09:40.680 --> 00:09:52.360 Liz Fleming: And at the same time, I was like, I… I'm supposed to host a conference, I can feel that. Like, there's something that I'm supposed to do. And I decided to call it GlowCon.
72 00:09:52.800 --> 00:10:01.990 Liz Fleming: For women to grow together, learn something new, open themselves up to opportunity, and win together as women. Glow. GlowCon.
73 00:10:02.080 --> 00:10:07.610 Liz Fleming: And it's this whole-day event at the biggest venue in town, where I also got married.
74 00:10:07.640 --> 00:10:26.089 Liz Fleming: And we focus on honing skills like this in the personal growth space, self-love space, personal development, there's workshops, I have a talk or two, I have guest speakers, there's local vendors on-site for shopping, and there's, you know, I did sponsorships. It was like this whole…
75 00:10:26.090 --> 00:10:42.650 Liz Fleming: thing, and I had never… I mean, in PR, I was doing events here and there for other big companies with a budget, but this idea, you guys, I have to be so transparent. I had maybe a few thousand dollars in my bank account that I should not have been investing in something like this.
76 00:10:42.650 --> 00:10:44.479 Liz Fleming: But my heart was like…
77 00:10:45.350 --> 00:11:01.979 Liz Fleming: like, on autopilot. It was like, this is it, this is my time, I need to do this, this is something I need to try. And so, I just put it out there, I pitched people for sponsors, I pitched press, I used all of my marketing and PR experience to craft this event.
78 00:11:02.090 --> 00:11:04.490 Liz Fleming: And I hosted it.
79 00:11:04.690 --> 00:11:06.159 Liz Fleming: And I…
80 00:11:06.770 --> 00:11:17.769 Liz Fleming: talk about taking up space, not physically, but, like, energetically. It was just, like, the biggest spotlight I had ever been under, and while it was
81 00:11:17.770 --> 00:11:32.230 Liz Fleming: terrifying that first time. I was really going through a lot of personal healing and postpartum, and a lot of that, you know, comes out on stage in the workshops that I give in terms of the prompts, and it was just so beautiful, but so…
82 00:11:32.490 --> 00:11:48.789 Liz Fleming: I just remember expanding in the moment, and that first GlowCon, after that, I was so on Cloud9, yet again, seeing the smile, seeing the joy, seeing the connection. That is the moment that I decided to pivot my entire career of almost
83 00:11:48.910 --> 00:11:51.750 Liz Fleming: 16 years in PR.
84 00:11:51.880 --> 00:11:59.810 Liz Fleming: to become a Quantum Life and Success Coach. And not 3 days after that, that event wrapped.
85 00:12:00.070 --> 00:12:05.690 Liz Fleming: I invested over 10 grand in myself to become that coach that I now am today.
86 00:12:05.970 --> 00:12:18.649 Liz Fleming: And I continue to host GloCon, and I have this whole running coaching business. My first book is about to hit shelves, powerhouse, all about self-love. I mean, talk about taking up space.
87 00:12:18.820 --> 00:12:19.740 Liz Fleming: People.
88 00:12:20.140 --> 00:12:38.279 Liz Fleming: I didn't just sit down one day and think to myself, I want to be big. I'm gonna make it big, I just… I have to stop shrinking. I literally just followed that… in the book, I call it my glittery, shimmery feeling in my gut. The thing that was just, like, you couldn't explain, you can't really plan for.
89 00:12:38.520 --> 00:12:40.650 Liz Fleming: And it was just…
90 00:12:42.050 --> 00:12:56.149 Liz Fleming: like, it was momentum, it was forward momentum. I made an inspired decision, or took an inspired action, and the universe delivered the next resource, right? And that doesn't mean there wasn't struggle. There definitely was. Oh my gosh.
91 00:12:56.310 --> 00:13:00.510 Liz Fleming: Praise be. But… What a learning experience.
92 00:13:01.130 --> 00:13:06.780 Liz Fleming: So… If you think back to that initial story I told you of when I was shrinking.
93 00:13:07.450 --> 00:13:12.410 Liz Fleming: You know, shrinking myself. On a stage talking to 200 people.
94 00:13:12.530 --> 00:13:24.429 Liz Fleming: about something that I loved. To have that kind of feedback at the end, and for me to shrink myself and wallow in self-pity. To only… not just… I don't know, what was it? Probably 5 years later?
95 00:13:24.590 --> 00:13:27.280 Liz Fleming: To have done it again?
96 00:13:28.070 --> 00:13:32.960 Liz Fleming: On my own, to the same amount of people, for an entire day.
97 00:13:33.230 --> 00:13:35.789 Liz Fleming: And to have the feedback be…
98 00:13:36.050 --> 00:13:40.520 Liz Fleming: Just so beautiful and kind, and for me to…
99 00:13:41.440 --> 00:14:00.570 Liz Fleming: And there was a fair share of, obviously, self-sabotaging and self-criticism, you know, I should have done this for that workshop, or this, I should have tweaked that. There's always gonna be that noise, but for the most part, I was in a healthy space of, like, letting myself be who I am, letting myself being big, and that felt really…
100 00:14:00.640 --> 00:14:01.840 Liz Fleming: Really good.
101 00:14:02.030 --> 00:14:03.140 Liz Fleming: Really good.
102 00:14:03.560 --> 00:14:06.360 Liz Fleming: And everything shifted after that.
103 00:14:06.770 --> 00:14:28.529 Liz Fleming: everything shifted. I fully feel like I'm stepping into my power and my purpose, and I'm doing it on purpose, proactively, not reactively by default, because my family thinks I should be this, or I had been in an industry for so long, I can't possibly change what I'm doing. No, I just made the decision, and it happened.
104 00:14:29.300 --> 00:14:32.759 Liz Fleming: I just put my full faith and full trust
105 00:14:32.980 --> 00:14:37.350 Liz Fleming: In the universe, and more than anything, in myself.
106 00:14:38.530 --> 00:14:40.490 Liz Fleming: I chose to take up space.
107 00:14:42.040 --> 00:14:49.199 Liz Fleming: Owning your power isn't about always being louder or bossier, it's about choosing to show up
108 00:14:49.450 --> 00:14:52.240 Liz Fleming: Fully as who you are.
109 00:14:53.470 --> 00:15:01.390 Liz Fleming: And this is one of the reasons why I wrote my book, Powerhouse. To help women stop shrinking and start shining
110 00:15:01.990 --> 00:15:05.200 Liz Fleming: If this resonates, I want you to go grab a copy today.
111 00:15:06.920 --> 00:15:26.319 Liz Fleming: It might be on pre-order. If you're listening, when this episode first comes out, it might not be on pre-order yet, but there is a book waitlist, so you can jump on that. Either way, depending on the time when you are divinely guided to this episode, the right link is going to be in the show notes for you to go explore this resource that I wrote for you.
112 00:15:26.770 --> 00:15:34.480 Liz Fleming: You don't need to wait for permission, my friend. You've already got the power inside of you, and it's time for you to own it.
113 00:15:34.810 --> 00:15:37.739 Liz Fleming: So go out there and get after it, girl.
Did that go by too fast? No worries. You can always find me over at elisabethfleming.com for more information about my programs, events, and how you can take your learning further with me. If you loved this episode, leave a review. It helps more than you know.
Thank you so much for tuning in. I'll catch you next time.
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