Ep 87. Boundaries Are Sexy: Why Saying No is an Act of Self-Love
[10 MIN LISTEN]
Boundaries aren’t walls, they’re magnets.
For too long, we’ve been told boundaries are harsh or selfish. But in reality, boundaries are one of the most loving and empowering things we can practice.
In this episode, I’ll share why boundaries are actually sexy and how saying no is an act of radical self-love.
Scripts for Saying No Gracefully
“That doesn’t work for me right now.”
“I need to think about that before I commit.”
Boundaries create space for more authentic yeses.
Episode transcript:
This is an auto-generated, unedited episode transcript. Please excuse any tyops.
Welcome to The Life with Liz Podcast, the place to be if you wanna go from invisible to vibrant in your life, and embrace the power you didn't know you had inside of you. I'm your host, Liz Fleming, business owner, mom, military spouse, entrepreneur, founder, CEO, and life coach, who is passionate about helping ambitious women like you step into their power and their purpose on purpose so they can experience as much joy, success, satisfaction, and abundance as humanly possible.
Now without further ado, let's dive right into this episode.
1 00:00:03.310 --> 00:00:06.960 Liz Fleming: Okay, let's talk boundaries, baby. I have…
2 00:00:07.790 --> 00:00:14.179 Liz Fleming: A few other episodes. Maybe one… no, is it one other episode? Yes. About boundaries. I recorded…
3 00:00:15.000 --> 00:00:25.990 Liz Fleming: in… 2024, around the holiday season, because, y'all, we need to learn to set boundaries during the holiday season, for sure. But it kind of stemmed this whole other…
4 00:00:26.210 --> 00:00:36.299 Liz Fleming: expansive topic on boundaries, and I've been meaning to do a follow-up episode, and this is that episode. So this is kind of the whole overarching episode of…
5 00:00:36.430 --> 00:00:46.490 Liz Fleming: Boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. I know the word can make some of us cringe, it feels scary or mean, or like we're pushing people away.
6 00:00:46.800 --> 00:00:52.490 Liz Fleming: That's not the case, that's not what I mean here today. I want to reframe it for you here today.
7 00:00:52.620 --> 00:00:57.800 Liz Fleming: Boundaries are not cold or rigid, they're magnetic.
8 00:00:57.910 --> 00:01:06.140 Liz Fleming: Boundaries are sexy, because nothing is more attractive than someone who knows their worth and honors their energy.
9 00:01:06.630 --> 00:01:12.529 Liz Fleming: Sorry if you heard just a rumble sound, I whacked a bowl on my desk full of strawberries, and kinda hurt myself.
10 00:01:14.050 --> 00:01:17.710 Liz Fleming: Alas, I need to set boundaries with this bowl on my desk.
11 00:01:17.840 --> 00:01:18.940 Liz Fleming: So…
12 00:01:19.780 --> 00:01:33.969 Liz Fleming: Boundaries are… they make you magnetic. There's nothing more beautiful than being able to know your worth enough to say no, or to set that level of choice within yourself.
13 00:01:34.210 --> 00:01:52.679 Liz Fleming: So, honoring your energy in this way is incredibly powerful, but there are some serious myths about boundaries that I can't stand. People think they're harsh, that they make you selfish, that they push people away, but the truth is, they actually create safety in relationships.
14 00:01:52.880 --> 00:01:58.330 Liz Fleming: They increase respect, they don't decrease it, they increase it, and…
15 00:01:58.690 --> 00:02:04.630 Liz Fleming: Most importantly, they preserve your energy, so you can give more authentically.
16 00:02:05.310 --> 00:02:09.150 Liz Fleming: Confidence is… Magnetic.
17 00:02:10.289 --> 00:02:15.179 Liz Fleming: That is what makes boundaries sexy. It elevates our confidence in a way that
18 00:02:15.940 --> 00:02:26.890 Liz Fleming: radiates across, you know, our communities and those that we care about. People are drawn to women who are clear about what they will and won't allow. I love that.
19 00:02:27.160 --> 00:02:40.110 Liz Fleming: That's how it should be. And you set an amazing example for your friends, your family, just by knowing your worth and owning your worth in this way, and protecting your energy more than anything.
20 00:02:41.140 --> 00:02:43.600 Liz Fleming: Some of my favorite scripts to try…
21 00:02:44.960 --> 00:02:56.630 Liz Fleming: And there are a ton more of these in that other episode that I mentioned. I can't remember the number. I want to say it's in the 60s range, the other Boundaries episode, but I give a lot more examples.
22 00:02:56.630 --> 00:03:05.409 Liz Fleming: So, just to keep it kind of clean cut this episode, I'm gonna give you a few scripts to try. The first is, you know, someone asks you to do something.
23 00:03:05.690 --> 00:03:07.430 Liz Fleming: That doesn't work for me right now.
24 00:03:07.680 --> 00:03:08.680 Liz Fleming: Or…
25 00:03:09.100 --> 00:03:20.999 Liz Fleming: that's not really in alignment for me right now. That's one that I use a lot, because as a manifester, I know that my words are powerful, and so an example would be, like.
26 00:03:21.480 --> 00:03:27.760 Liz Fleming: someone, you know, I've been talking with someone, a possible partner, and I'm considering investing.
27 00:03:28.170 --> 00:03:43.700 Liz Fleming: But they come back at me with a number that's much higher than anticipated, right? I can just say, that's not in alignment for me right now. Versus saying, like, oh, that's way too expensive, I can't handle that, right? That's not the energy that me, as a manifester, wants to put out into the world.
28 00:03:43.700 --> 00:03:48.339 Liz Fleming: So, it's really interesting, as you develop this skill of boundary setting.
29 00:03:48.390 --> 00:03:54.900 Liz Fleming: How you can marry that with, you know, if you're feeling called, to a manifestation practice like me.
30 00:03:55.170 --> 00:04:08.729 Liz Fleming: it's really interesting how you can marry the two, and make your language even more powerful, and protect your energy even further, to attract all that you want in your life. Because words are powerful.
31 00:04:09.050 --> 00:04:13.070 Liz Fleming: Another script to try. I'm not available, but thank you for asking.
32 00:04:13.330 --> 00:04:30.509 Liz Fleming: I think gratitude is so important in everything that we do. So, when you weave that gratitude into these boundary statements that you're creating for yourself, it really helps to soften the blow for some people. You know, saying no is hard, pushing back is hard.
33 00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:36.759 Liz Fleming: But when you add that level of gratitude, it does make it a lot easier. And I think we should always be grateful, don't you?
34 00:04:37.530 --> 00:04:56.759 Liz Fleming: And finally, another one, I need to think about that before I commit. There is nothing wrong with taking your time. So maybe some awesome opportunities are popping into your inbox, or you talk to someone at a small town social or a coffee date about this awesome experience or partner… possible partnership, and you're, like, jazzed, but…
35 00:04:57.170 --> 00:05:10.870 Liz Fleming: inside, your body's like, too much too soon, right? Slow down, slow down. So instead of saying yes in the moment, and, like, over-committing, just say, you know, I just need to think about that for a little bit. It sounds awesome, thank you. We add in that gratitude, right? That feels good.
36 00:05:10.870 --> 00:05:17.510 Liz Fleming: So these are just a few examples. There are, you know, a ton more out there, especially in that other episode that I mentioned, but…
37 00:05:17.650 --> 00:05:23.830 Liz Fleming: In terms of, like, the high-level boundary setting, this is what I wanted this episode to cover. And…
38 00:05:24.240 --> 00:05:31.579 Liz Fleming: I want to give a really powerful example here of how I set boundaries in my life, and I'm sure many of my listeners can relate to this, but…
39 00:05:32.200 --> 00:05:36.290 Liz Fleming: I set boundaries in a way as a mother.
40 00:05:36.460 --> 00:05:44.239 Liz Fleming: of two toddlers with very little help. My kids go to school, like, a couple days a week for a couple hours, right? So…
41 00:05:44.770 --> 00:05:57.170 Liz Fleming: I get maybe a couple hours a day, and nap time's out of the picture, right? Like, that's not something that's really happening for my kids anymore. So my solo time is sacred, and…
42 00:05:57.560 --> 00:06:02.970 Liz Fleming: I have gotten really good about protecting my energy during that solo time.
43 00:06:03.150 --> 00:06:09.949 Liz Fleming: So I… I feed myself, I nourish myself, physically, mentally, emotionally, energetically.
44 00:06:10.280 --> 00:06:18.429 Liz Fleming: And… I've gotten really clear about what's important to me during that time, so as my…
45 00:06:19.100 --> 00:06:38.309 Liz Fleming: Businesses have grown locally and beyond. I get invited to, for example, like, coffee dates non-stop, and friend stuff non-stop, which I love. I love to be thought about, and I want to be able to hang out and see everyone and talk to everyone, but I know that it's just not feasible for me, so I have to set the boundary of
46 00:06:38.970 --> 00:06:52.929 Liz Fleming: you know, email me some more information, and then we can talk, or, you know, I just have to create a life of flexibility for myself right now in order to preserve and protect my energy. And that helps me maintain
47 00:06:53.390 --> 00:07:05.250 Liz Fleming: a really healthy mindset, and it stinks to have to, you know, say not right now so much, but then I remember that it's a power move, and that it's helping me
48 00:07:05.800 --> 00:07:19.260 Liz Fleming: fill my cup so that I can help others fill their own, if that makes sense. So, this is just one example, you know, motherhood, trying to work, and build an empire and live my vision board dreams.
49 00:07:19.280 --> 00:07:30.929 Liz Fleming: while also setting boundaries that keep me healthy and happy and thriving. Because if I'm on E, everyone else is on E. If I'm…
50 00:07:31.150 --> 00:07:35.800 Liz Fleming: struggling, you know, everything else kind of falls apart. I am the anchor.
51 00:07:36.130 --> 00:07:38.920 Liz Fleming: In my life right now, for my family, so…
52 00:07:39.470 --> 00:07:49.730 Liz Fleming: those boundaries help me create more freedom, and definitely more respect in my life. It reminds me of how sacred my time is, and…
53 00:07:50.650 --> 00:07:58.640 Liz Fleming: It also, honestly, going back to some of my previous recent episodes, it's, in terms of worth, has helped me, like.
54 00:07:59.270 --> 00:08:16.039 Liz Fleming: just become a better business owner. Like, I'm finally pricing my worth because of those boundaries that I'm setting that remind me how sacred my time is. So those are the things I want you to think about. Boundaries are so, so, so sexy. We love them. So just to recap.
55 00:08:16.480 --> 00:08:33.340 Liz Fleming: Okay? I want you to think about the boundaries that you're setting in your life, currently. I want you to feel into where maybe you could be setting more boundaries, and what those tiny scripts of yours might look like.
56 00:08:33.520 --> 00:08:50.879 Liz Fleming: Just feel into that. And more than anything, my friends, this is a prime example of how important it is to listen to your body. If you're presented with a decision, and your body gives you that gut feeling of, like, this doesn't feel 100% aligned, it's probably a not right now.
57 00:08:50.950 --> 00:08:55.219 Liz Fleming: So, set the boundary and feel better about yourself and your life.
58 00:08:55.510 --> 00:09:04.440 Liz Fleming: Boundaries are not rejection, they're self-love. We love self-love. And when you love yourself enough to say no, you open space.
59 00:09:04.930 --> 00:09:06.509 Liz Fleming: For bigger yeses.
60 00:09:07.250 --> 00:09:13.839 Liz Fleming: This is one of the themes I expand on inside of my book, Powerhouse, and in the Self-Love Studio.
61 00:09:13.930 --> 00:09:25.449 Liz Fleming: My new program and community for women looking for soul growth, support, and sisterhood. Oh, it's all so beautiful. If you're ready to make self-love magnetic in your own life, I want you to go get my book.
62 00:09:25.450 --> 00:09:35.090 Liz Fleming: today, because I expand on all of this inside, and I want you to tell me how you're setting boundaries, too. Because, damn, is that powerful.
Did that go by too fast? No worries. You can always find me over at elisabethfleming.com for more information about my programs, events, and how you can take your learning further with me. If you loved this episode, leave a review. It helps more than you know.
Thank you so much for tuning in. I'll catch you next time.
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