Ep. 88: The Healing Power of Forgiveness: Why Letting Go Is a Lifelong Practice
[17 MIN LISTEN]
The Ongoing Work of Forgiveness: Healing Without Rushing the Process
Have you ever thought you had finally let something go, only to feel the same emotions surface again later? Maybe you journaled, meditated, or told yourself you were at peace, but a small ache still remained. That’s the heart of this week’s podcast episode: forgiveness doesn’t fix you. It’s a gradual unfolding that takes time, courage, and tenderness.
In this deeply personal episode, I share how a recent emotional breakdown became an unexpected teacher. It reminded me that forgiveness is not a single moment or decision. It’s an ongoing relationship with yourself, one that requires patience and presence. The process asks you to stay open to your feelings, even when they’re uncomfortable.
Forgiveness Is Not Forgetting
True forgiveness has nothing to do with pretending or minimizing what happened. It isn’t about saying, “It’s fine,” when it still hurts. Real forgiveness begins when you give yourself permission to feel everything that needs to be felt.
Some days, that might mean sitting quietly with your sadness. Other days, it’s finding small ways to release resentment. It’s the choice to keep softening instead of hardening, to keep moving toward your own peace instead of staying stuck in the story of what went wrong.
Healing through forgiveness doesn’t happen on a schedule. It ebbs and flows. But each time you choose to meet yourself with understanding instead of judgment, you create space for something lighter to emerge.
Reflection Prompts for Self-Compassion and Release
Inside the episode, I share a few reflection prompts to help you begin your own process of letting go.
What pain am I still holding that isn’t mine to carry?
What truth might be waiting beneath my resentment?
What would forgiveness look like if I didn’t need to forget?
These aren’t quick-fix questions. They are invitations to slow down and meet yourself with honesty. You might not find the answers right away, and that’s okay. The practice itself is part of the healing.
Returning to Yourself
Whether you’re moving through grief, disappointment, or the slow work of forgiving yourself, remember that healing is not a destination. It’s a daily act of courage. Each moment of awareness, each deep breath, and each honest conversation with your own heart moves you closer to peace.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean the pain disappears. It means you no longer let that pain define you.
If you’re in the midst of your own process, I hope this conversation helps you feel less alone. Listen to the full episode of The Powerhouse Podcast for deeper reflection and guided prompts that support emotional healing in real time.
Listen to the full episode below or wherever your stream podcasts!
Episode transcript:
This is an auto-generated, unedited episode transcript. Please excuse any tyops.
Welcome to The Life with Liz Podcast, the place to be if you wanna go from invisible to vibrant in your life, and embrace the power you didn't know you had inside of you. I'm your host, Liz Fleming, business owner, mom, military spouse, entrepreneur, founder, CEO, and life coach, who is passionate about helping ambitious women like you step into their power and their purpose on purpose so they can experience as much joy, success, satisfaction, and abundance as humanly possible.
Now without further ado, let's dive right into this episode.
1 00:00:15.620 --> 00:00:26.639 Liz Fleming: Hey, friend! I wasn't planning to record this one, honestly, but sometimes life cracks you open in ways you didn't expect, and when that happens…
2 00:00:27.040 --> 00:00:39.410 Liz Fleming: The only thing that feels right is to speak into it, and that's what I'm all about. As you know, I've gotten really raw, honest, and real on this podcast. It is called the Life with Liz podcast, after all, and life?
3 00:00:39.810 --> 00:00:47.600 Liz Fleming: My friends, it's not just about the sparkly, shiny, shimmery rainbow feelings we get in our gut, and…
4 00:00:48.420 --> 00:00:57.420 Liz Fleming: there's a lot more on the shadow side that we also deal with to get to those good points, and I had just a really rough
5 00:00:57.870 --> 00:01:00.350 Liz Fleming: time lately, you know? I am…
6 00:01:00.530 --> 00:01:08.999 Liz Fleming: I've shared in previous episodes, you know, as a family, we are going through it this year with grief. We've lost some people really close to us, and…
7 00:01:10.010 --> 00:01:12.689 Liz Fleming: As a family, it's just totally…
8 00:01:13.600 --> 00:01:17.869 Liz Fleming: Exploded, you know, like, blown up our… our…
9 00:01:17.990 --> 00:01:25.449 Liz Fleming: cohesion, like, we are completely feeling untethered, my husband and I, and, you know, taking care of
10 00:01:25.570 --> 00:01:30.170 Liz Fleming: A 4-year-old and a 2-year-old on top of Making sure…
11 00:01:30.330 --> 00:01:38.390 Liz Fleming: that everything is good for our home and for our family. It is so heavy. It is a lot, and…
12 00:01:38.700 --> 00:01:42.269 Liz Fleming: We went away this weekend on quote-unquote vacation.
13 00:01:42.590 --> 00:01:44.479 Liz Fleming: Which is, you know, when you're…
14 00:01:45.570 --> 00:01:52.530 Liz Fleming: Parent to toddlers is just parenting in another place with less conveniences than home.
15 00:01:52.890 --> 00:02:07.160 Liz Fleming: But we do our best. We love to try and get the kids out and about, and we love going to the mountains, so we went out there to see some leaves, we had an awesome Airbnb, great views, hot tub, suite setup, we were like, this is gonna be great, there's a ton of…
16 00:02:07.160 --> 00:02:13.820 Liz Fleming: nature, our kids love being outside, and we thought it was easy-peasy. I prepped every meal, I brought all the toys.
17 00:02:13.860 --> 00:02:21.849 Liz Fleming: I… there's nothing more that I could have done to prepare ourselves for this Mere 3 night.
18 00:02:22.320 --> 00:02:23.080 Liz Fleming: Trip.
19 00:02:23.820 --> 00:02:31.490 Liz Fleming: And it just was a complete shitshow. And there were glimmer… glimmery moments of, you know.
20 00:02:32.140 --> 00:02:33.900 Liz Fleming: Fishing with the kids, and…
21 00:02:34.150 --> 00:02:48.700 Liz Fleming: having fire pits, but for the most part, our kids cried the entire time. You know, Sean and I, at one point, we just got in a huge argument, and I… I lost it. There was a time where, you know, the kids went to bed, and…
22 00:02:48.860 --> 00:03:03.690 Liz Fleming: I just broke down. I just cried, like, and screamed into the mountains. I was so burnt out and overwhelmed. I still have… I mean, there's bruises on my knees. I literally just fell to the ground.
23 00:03:03.950 --> 00:03:05.649 Liz Fleming: And fucking cried.
24 00:03:05.860 --> 00:03:08.150 Liz Fleming: And it just felt like…
25 00:03:09.130 --> 00:03:25.900 Liz Fleming: the weight of the world came crashing down on me. You know, this has just been a huge year. I, you know, I've been going through it. Really going through it. A raw, messy, painful kind of emotional breakdown.
26 00:03:26.620 --> 00:03:27.770 Liz Fleming: And…
27 00:03:27.890 --> 00:03:41.670 Liz Fleming: that reminds you, I think, just how alive you are, and how much you still have to process. So, while I sit here every day and I go through my life as a certified quantum life and success coach who is very well versed in
28 00:03:42.130 --> 00:03:44.570 Liz Fleming: Various modalities for…
29 00:03:44.810 --> 00:04:04.040 Liz Fleming: regulating your nervous system and emotional processing, which I use on myself, there are still times when I'm on complete overload. Complete and total overload, and not even my best tools can pull me out in those moments, and I've found that just letting myself feel it
30 00:04:04.170 --> 00:04:05.949 Liz Fleming: Helps me heal it.
31 00:04:07.650 --> 00:04:10.400 Liz Fleming: In the middle of all of this, you know, after…
32 00:04:10.710 --> 00:04:13.460 Liz Fleming: A couple days went by and we're back home, I…
33 00:04:15.150 --> 00:04:25.510 Liz Fleming: something came up for me that I knew was what had to be done, and for me, that was this forgiveness ritual that I use, and I teach in my book, Powerhouse.
34 00:04:26.020 --> 00:04:27.430 Liz Fleming: And…
35 00:04:27.610 --> 00:04:39.610 Liz Fleming: You guys, forgiveness… there's so many things to cover about it, and I can't… and I won't give everything here in this episode. I share everything in my book, but I wanted to…
36 00:04:39.760 --> 00:04:47.230 Liz Fleming: Give you, like, a high-level summary of… How this… Has helped me to heal.
37 00:04:47.860 --> 00:04:55.490 Liz Fleming: More than anything, through my grief, through, like, this messy time with my family, and just myself as a person.
38 00:04:55.640 --> 00:05:10.269 Liz Fleming: this… this level of forgiveness has just been so powerful. But here's the truth. I'm not, you know, fixed. I don't think that we're broken and we need fixing, we just need to…
39 00:05:10.860 --> 00:05:28.210 Liz Fleming: allow ourselves to process in order to heal. Like, I'm not all of a sudden magically at peace. I'm definitely still feeling it, there's reverberations, and it's just, like, anyone who's been grieving knows it's just, like, constant ebb and flow, like…
40 00:05:28.540 --> 00:05:42.530 Liz Fleming: you think you're doing okay, and then a tidal wave of grief hits you. And grief presents as many different emotions, right? Anger, sadness, rage, just completely shutting down.
41 00:05:42.640 --> 00:05:58.690 Liz Fleming: So there's those moments for you personally, where you ebb and flow, and then there's those moments where your spouse or those that you love ebb and flow. And you think, you know, for example, you know, I could be having a… what I think is a great day.
42 00:05:58.850 --> 00:06:14.669 Liz Fleming: And then my husband is way off, and as a highly sensitive person, that just, like, really impacts me. I feel like, as a form of protection, I just absorb all of his emotions, and it's something that I know I'm still working on, but…
43 00:06:14.810 --> 00:06:22.750 Liz Fleming: Forgiveness is the number one thing that has helped me get through not just this grief, but, you know.
44 00:06:23.840 --> 00:06:30.110 Liz Fleming: just remembering who I am, As a person, and not just a mom, or…
45 00:06:30.260 --> 00:06:35.130 Liz Fleming: an entrepreneur. You know, we hold so many titles, and…
46 00:06:35.340 --> 00:06:39.750 Liz Fleming: Motherhood has been the hardest thing ever for me, trying to navigate.
47 00:06:39.850 --> 00:06:49.820 Liz Fleming: And… allowing myself the space to just be in forgiveness has helped a ton. I… I'm still, though, sitting…
48 00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:55.090 Liz Fleming: And tidal waves of emotions, still learning what forgiveness really means for me.
49 00:06:55.420 --> 00:06:59.800 Liz Fleming: as I continue to transform and evolve, But…
50 00:07:00.220 --> 00:07:09.710 Liz Fleming: it's… it's really been big. So, I'm not gonna walk you through the ritual that I've created step-by-step. It's really sacred, and…
51 00:07:10.250 --> 00:07:25.149 Liz Fleming: I do want to share what it's teaching me in real time, though, which is the whole point of this episode. And, you know, as you know from the story I just told, the truth is, I hit a wall, one of many this year, but this was a big wall, and…
52 00:07:26.480 --> 00:07:36.740 Liz Fleming: I know in these moments, I can tell it wasn't just one big event, right? Like, we all have spats, like, who cares? That's like being in a relationship. But I could tell in my…
53 00:07:37.370 --> 00:07:41.770 Liz Fleming: My inner being and my nervous system that it was a slow build.
54 00:07:41.920 --> 00:07:51.310 Liz Fleming: of emotion, exhaustion, burnout, old pain, and it just resurfaced in that moment. And when it all came to a head, I completely broke down.
55 00:07:51.640 --> 00:08:05.069 Liz Fleming: And it wasn't pretty, it wasn't neat, and then the self-sabotage happens, I'm crying, I'm shaking, I'm questioning everything, I'm feeling vulnerable and exposed, and the inner bully in me is just so mean, she's so loud, and…
56 00:08:05.330 --> 00:08:11.990 Liz Fleming: you know, that's what breakdowns do. They just kind of, like… Throw you into the gauntlet?
57 00:08:12.270 --> 00:08:18.479 Liz Fleming: And… it's a form of, for me, release. I think when you allow yourself to…
58 00:08:18.830 --> 00:08:22.230 Liz Fleming: Go through these emotions, and see them as…
59 00:08:22.380 --> 00:08:28.049 Liz Fleming: A part of life and a part of you, and you just allow them to arrive and pass.
60 00:08:28.310 --> 00:08:31.310 Liz Fleming: They ultimately will strip away the noise.
61 00:08:31.810 --> 00:08:39.109 Liz Fleming: And they'll strip away the pretense and, like, the silly stories that we tell ourselves. And they show us…
62 00:08:39.230 --> 00:08:49.010 Liz Fleming: Ultimately, what we've been holding onto, and sometimes that's exactly the invitation we need to finally release, and to finally let go.
63 00:08:49.810 --> 00:08:55.050 Liz Fleming: So after the tears and the stillness, and we got home, you know…
64 00:08:55.240 --> 00:08:59.430 Liz Fleming: We're feeling it. I hadn't slept, because I was just so…
65 00:08:59.800 --> 00:09:03.669 Liz Fleming: raw. It was just so on edge, and raw, and…
66 00:09:04.110 --> 00:09:07.700 Liz Fleming: I could feel that forgiveness started whispering. It was like…
67 00:09:08.790 --> 00:09:19.610 Liz Fleming: You know, and again, not as a quick fix, not as a magic, everything's fine, no, I shall forgive and move on, but as a lifeline, like a tiny thread of possibility for me.
68 00:09:19.790 --> 00:09:23.639 Liz Fleming: I… it just kind of appeared in my head that night once I was home.
69 00:09:23.820 --> 00:09:40.489 Liz Fleming: And we had gotten through the rest of the day with the kids, took, like, every fiber of my being, all of my strength to, like, get through the rest of the day, and do bedtime at home, and shower. But once I was in bed, I just had this wave. My gut was like.
70 00:09:40.660 --> 00:09:45.539 Liz Fleming: Forgiveness. It was like, use your forgiveness practice right now. Do it.
71 00:09:46.070 --> 00:09:47.900 Liz Fleming: It took me 10 minutes.
72 00:09:48.680 --> 00:09:49.680 Liz Fleming: And…
73 00:09:51.210 --> 00:10:01.600 Liz Fleming: it just, you know, at first it was kind of like, ugh, you know, I resisted a little bit. Because forgiveness just kind of feels like giving someone a pass, but it isn't.
74 00:10:02.650 --> 00:10:07.740 Liz Fleming: here's what it is. It's a choice to stop letting pain control you. You're giving yourself
75 00:10:08.230 --> 00:10:21.090 Liz Fleming: permission to heal. You're giving yourself freedom, you're giving yourself peace, so it never justifies anyone's wrongdoings, right? It's just a form of healing for yourself, and that's something that's
76 00:10:21.750 --> 00:10:23.809 Liz Fleming: Come up for me time and time again.
77 00:10:24.010 --> 00:10:25.919 Liz Fleming: So I went back to this practice.
78 00:10:26.070 --> 00:10:42.340 Liz Fleming: Not as, you know, the author, but as a student, and for the first time in a while, I let myself fully receive it. And even now, I'm still receiving it, still feeling the waves, still learning that healing is a process. Boy, is it a process, and not a destination.
79 00:10:43.460 --> 00:10:44.430 Liz Fleming: And…
80 00:10:44.880 --> 00:10:55.380 Liz Fleming: Forgiveness, it isn't a single moment, it's messy, it's ongoing, it's sometimes ugly, sometimes quiet, sometimes it's tears and shaking in multiple sessions, and…
81 00:10:55.740 --> 00:10:57.060 Liz Fleming: That's okay.
82 00:10:57.350 --> 00:11:04.750 Liz Fleming: for me, it just feels like softening into the pain instead of pushing it away. It's almost like acceptance.
83 00:11:04.910 --> 00:11:07.739 Liz Fleming: For me, the biggest part of forgiveness is…
84 00:11:08.210 --> 00:11:11.419 Liz Fleming: That the past is the past, and it cannot be changed.
85 00:11:11.540 --> 00:11:24.110 Liz Fleming: And for me, that's why forgiveness has just been so powerful. It's giving myself the space to cry, to breathe and feel over and over until the edges are less sharp, if you will.
86 00:11:24.730 --> 00:11:31.729 Liz Fleming: it's not about forgetting, excusing, or being, you know, over it. It's about the healing, and healing takes time.
87 00:11:31.870 --> 00:11:40.500 Liz Fleming: And because I've used this ritual so many times on myself, it's really incredible that I could sit down
88 00:11:40.750 --> 00:11:53.920 Liz Fleming: and do this exercise that I've created in just a matter of 10 to 15 minutes, and feel immensely better. And then I followed it up with, you know, I have a cord-cutting meditation in my head that I do.
89 00:11:54.090 --> 00:11:55.190 Liz Fleming: And…
90 00:11:55.680 --> 00:12:07.749 Liz Fleming: So I followed it up with that, and I just, you know, energetically cut the cords of, like, everything that was siphoning my energy from the weekend and beyond, and I slept like a baby.
91 00:12:08.090 --> 00:12:13.380 Liz Fleming: And I had, for the first time in a long time, really peaceful dreams, happy dreams.
92 00:12:13.710 --> 00:12:14.830 Liz Fleming: And…
93 00:12:15.210 --> 00:12:27.509 Liz Fleming: The next morning, I woke up and I was like, wow, that's really powerful. That's showing me that it's working in real time. And, you know, even still, like I said, the reverberations, the aftershocks are still happening.
94 00:12:27.970 --> 00:12:30.870 Liz Fleming: From everything that I'm going through.
95 00:12:31.450 --> 00:12:36.880 Liz Fleming: But… The forgiveness ritual is helping me, kind of.
96 00:12:37.290 --> 00:12:43.859 Liz Fleming: Come back to that even level playing field and feel more like myself in my own skin.
97 00:12:45.130 --> 00:12:51.650 Liz Fleming: So if you're listening, and you're carrying something heavy, like resentment, Regret.
98 00:12:51.830 --> 00:12:52.900 Liz Fleming: Rage.
99 00:12:53.500 --> 00:12:54.380 Liz Fleming: hurt.
100 00:12:54.950 --> 00:13:00.749 Liz Fleming: Dread, anxiety, whatever that thing is for you, I want you to sit with these questions.
101 00:13:01.490 --> 00:13:05.520 Liz Fleming: What pain am I still holding that isn't mine to carry?
102 00:13:06.560 --> 00:13:10.490 Liz Fleming: If I forgave myself today, what would that feel like?
103 00:13:10.670 --> 00:13:16.129 Liz Fleming: Because that's the biggest part of forgiveness. When I sit down and do my forgiveness sessions with myself.
104 00:13:17.460 --> 00:13:20.770 Liz Fleming: 99.9% of the time, I'm forgiving myself.
105 00:13:23.330 --> 00:13:26.130 Liz Fleming: And that is really so powerful.
106 00:13:26.260 --> 00:13:29.269 Liz Fleming: So, if you forgave yourself today, what would that feel like?
107 00:13:29.560 --> 00:13:32.850 Liz Fleming: And what truth might be waiting beneath the resentment?
108 00:13:33.390 --> 00:13:37.839 Liz Fleming: And you don't need answers right now, just be willing to ask yourself these questions.
109 00:13:38.250 --> 00:13:45.789 Liz Fleming: Forgiveness isn't an instant cure. It's a practice, and that's exactly why it's so powerful.
110 00:13:46.570 --> 00:13:55.699 Liz Fleming: And I share everything you could want to know about forgiveness in my new book, Powerhouse. And I promise this is not just a plug for the book. This
111 00:13:56.080 --> 00:14:03.720 Liz Fleming: practice of forgiveness has changed my life so much that I knew when I was writing this book, it had to be, like, a core
112 00:14:03.930 --> 00:14:20.649 Liz Fleming: ginormous chapter that talks about what it is, why it's important, how it impacts our bodies physically, mentally, emotionally, and then go into this beautiful, sacred Hawaiian forgiveness ritual, Ho'oponopono, and then…
113 00:14:21.300 --> 00:14:33.649 Liz Fleming: teach you the exercise, the journaling exercise that I've created as kind of like an adaptation to that, that's really helped me. So when I talk about forgiveness in this episode and how I did it the other night, it's that…
114 00:14:34.100 --> 00:14:51.469 Liz Fleming: It's my, you know, adapted exercise that I've learned and done with this, so it's really so powerful, and I'm so excited to share it with you. But right now, I just want to thank you for sitting with me, for witnessing me in this messy, ongoing process, even though
115 00:14:51.920 --> 00:14:58.440 Liz Fleming: I've leaned into this forgiveness ritual. I know that I'm not done. I'm still feeling, still reeling, processing.
116 00:14:58.600 --> 00:15:05.700 Liz Fleming: Still softening, and… That's okay, because I know that healing is a journey, it's not a finish line.
117 00:15:05.880 --> 00:15:17.710 Liz Fleming: And forgiveness is just one of those practices that I hold so near and dear to my heart. It's so powerful. And this week, it reminded me once again
118 00:15:17.820 --> 00:15:32.610 Liz Fleming: It doesn't erase the pain, it teaches you how to live with it more gently, and eventually to release it. And I feel so proud of myself in these moments of complete and utter breakdown when I remember these things, these tools.
119 00:15:33.100 --> 00:15:47.689 Liz Fleming: Because I'm ultimately giving myself a form of peace and freedom, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment. You know, those moments where you're just so completely feeling untethered, like you don't know what to do, you don't know who to talk to, and you feel like life is gonna end.
120 00:15:47.780 --> 00:15:55.030 Liz Fleming: And in those quick flashes where you remember, oh, that breathing exercise really helped me, or…
121 00:15:55.280 --> 00:15:59.729 Liz Fleming: maybe I could just sit down and do this forgiveness exercise and see how that
122 00:15:59.830 --> 00:16:19.220 Liz Fleming: makes me feel. So even in the moment, if it doesn't feel like it's helping right away, it is at a deeper level. And the more that you keep listening to your heart, and allowing it to guide you intuitively to the healing modalities that are making you feel best, that's what's most important.
123 00:16:20.090 --> 00:16:23.940 Liz Fleming: So wherever you are, Breathing through the storm.
124 00:16:24.610 --> 00:16:28.059 Liz Fleming: Feeling what you feel? Know that it's enough.
125 00:16:28.270 --> 00:16:30.480 Liz Fleming: You don't have to be over it.
126 00:16:30.900 --> 00:16:32.629 Liz Fleming: You don't have to be fixed.
127 00:16:33.350 --> 00:16:35.689 Liz Fleming: You just have to be willing to…
128 00:16:35.810 --> 00:16:39.229 Liz Fleming: Be honest, and to keep showing up for yourself.
129 00:16:39.410 --> 00:16:42.500 Liz Fleming: Every. Messy, beautiful day.
Did that go by too fast? No worries. You can always find me over at elisabethfleming.com for more information about my programs, events, and how you can take your learning further with me. If you loved this episode, leave a review. It helps more than you know.
Thank you so much for tuning in. I'll catch you next time.
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